I walked out into that open field tonight. It was kind of like a forced transfer of energy. I had been meaning to do this for weeks, but it wasn't until now that I could truly wrap my mind around it. I always talk about needing that air, and that space, but yet it wasn't until now. I walked right out there. It's always bigger than I imagine in some ways. I kept trying to find the ultimate middle, so I could feel as small as possible in that air and space. I was trying to find the middle, but I was also trying to avoid the grass piles that the lawn mower made along its route. Although I don't know why it mattered. This transfer of energy wasn't about being clean. Finally, I found that spot that made sense. A no-pile area in a very middle place.
I popped a squat, then sprawled out my legs and lowered my back into that fresh cut grass. I looked up into the sky. The first thing I noticed was my phone encompassed in a tight clutch within my hands. I hated this. I quickly put it away to feel the most natural without completely disrobing. I looked up into the dark, night sky and noticed the moon almost first. It had that glow around it that you sometimes neglect to acknowledge. It was almost full. I remembered that two nights ago was the full moon. Time just keeps shaving it away, then building it back up again.
You would think that you'd feel small in a moment like this, but that wasn't the case. I felt rather large. Perhaps it was the position of my body and current scope. I don't know. I felt large. Then I looked around to either sides of the sky, peering out through my glasses. I still felt big. Hm. I started thinking about how the world is round. It's so loopy to think about. We live in a ball. I started to see the sky this way, and then the fact that the moon sees us like how we see the moon. Loopy. I spent a lot of time on the ground thinking about how strange it all is, and the fact that it took me this long to acknowledge this field. Before I know it, it won't be within my reach.
I got up from the grass, and felt a bit of moisture on my back from where I was lying. I lifted myself up, and began to walk toward the yard. The non-field part of the grass. Before I reached it, I stopped myself. I looked back and thought: What? I'm done basking? This was strange to me. Who did I think I was? I hardly even acknowledged the stars. So, I looked at those stars some more. I've seen more before. The moon was bright. Maybe it just wasn't a star night. I walked out of the field, but still sort of hated myself for it.
I walked through the yard, and decided to take a picture of that moon. I tried to get away from that phone, but it didn't seem to last. The moon looked so different in the picture. Hardly beautiful. Just a little light dot. This reminded me again that my phone should not have come along on this ride with me. I walked to the other side of my house, and I began to hear the bugs. All sorts of varieties of sounds. I imagined they were all different breeds of crickets. It had to be more though. I looked up at the sky once more, and it seemed totally different from when I was lying in that field.
I no longer felt rather large. I felt rather small. And I rather liked it. To move no more than a hundred yards, and interpret a totally different sky; I knew I had to be next to nothing in comparison to all of that round, moonlit sky. Finally. The transfer of energy I was looking for. I walked inside feeling a little more peaceful, but that shift to the indoors left me again sort of hating myself for it.
